i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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