I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
