Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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