bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
