I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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