I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
