I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
