i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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