my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
