Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
