You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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