we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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