i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
