Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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