he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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