dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
