I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
