there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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