omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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