i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize