Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
