My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
