We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
