i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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