Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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