I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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