I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
