I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
