If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
