I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
