Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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