my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
