i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
