i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, beer. Big fan.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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