she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
