Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This toilet bowl is my home.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
