i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize