I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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