just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
