I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
