if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
