summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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