Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
