I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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