Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
