don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
