I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize