i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
