I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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