dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
