I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
