i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
