Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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