Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
