i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
