Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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