I molested 6 butterflies tonight
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
