when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
