I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
