I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
