The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
