Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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