dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
