Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize