Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
