No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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