I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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