i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
