I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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