It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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