Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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