I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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